I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
