Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
