I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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