I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
