so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
