Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
