yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
