I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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