So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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