when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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