He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
