I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
