My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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