to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
