i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
