so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
