he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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