I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
