Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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