Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
