a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
