did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
