you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize