Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize