funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
