I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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