The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
