i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
