what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
