Sponge bath it is.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
