I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
