you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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