Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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