I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
