I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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