i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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