I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
