I need help removing her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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