I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize