I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to make out with him forever
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize