The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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