I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
