why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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