Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
