she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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