oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
