hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My pussy is not your playground.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
