Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
bring money and cleavage
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
