Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
