the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
