Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize