I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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