My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
