yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
