There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
