So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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