Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize