I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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