literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
