1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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