I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
