i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
