The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
