Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
