did you get engaged???
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let's get the cat blown out
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
