I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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