I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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