3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
