He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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