Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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