we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
