why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
