Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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