Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
