kristin has been a bad kristin
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize