Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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