u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
